I learned something about myself today: I cannot get myself to work on something until I know why I would be doing it.

As obvious as it may sound, I have been unable to do several tasks. I have not come even close to doing what I was asked to do or things that I was supposed to do; tasks that are very obviously important, at least to those who assigned them to me. And I actually concur with the importance, but even then I have not been able to do those tasks, and I always wondered why.

Why am I not doing this? Why am I not participating? Am I avoiding it on purpose? Is it because I am afraid to fail? Am I afraid to disappoint – me or those around me?

Maybe.

Maybe I am indeed afraid of that. Or.. I am just so selfish that I need to first see what’s in it for me before I do any of those tasks at all. If I am selfish, is that so bad? I mean aren’t we all selfish in varying degrees? Aren’t we all supposed to be?

Whatever the cause may be, and however important it be, I have just learned something about me that is fundamental to concluding who I am. This revelation that I cannot get myself to work on something until I know why I would be doing it, is an essential piece, perhaps the most essential, to this puzzle that is my personality.